Do more. Feel less.
That’s what the world would say.
But what if we did less but felt more? What if we were to do what we do with more presence and focus?
What if we were to simplify- to be more to have more of what we really want? What about that?
What if we stopped hurrying and what if we stopped hurrying our children?
If you want to simplify motherhood, if you want to get things done but at a more focused pace, if you want to feel more and bask more, if you want to enjoy parenting here are some tips to try…
Please Note: These practical tips are coming from a need deep within my heart to simplify my motherhood and enjoy our daughter more. This is not an I have everything together listen to me post. This is an invitation. I’m inviting you to come alongside me on a journey that I’m taking to make my own motherhood simpler, and better. All of these things are a work in progress.
Pay Attention To The Environment
We’ve talked about this quite a bit already in the Grace Filled Home section here on the blog but we can do so much to set a peaceful backdrop to our lives through the environment around us. We have so much power as moms to set the mood and ambiance. We can do this by playing inspiring music in the house, opening windows for fresh air, and bringing in plants and natural materials.
We can also be intentional about using different textures and making our homes feel cozy even if the budget is tight. We can reduce clutter and make areas of our homes work and flow better.
I like to move furniture around every two to three months or so even if it is just small pieces to bring a refreshed feel. Our physical space greatly impacts our mental space as a busy mom. The good news is small tweaks can make a big difference. If it’s in the budget and a priority for your family consider hiring a house cleaner as needed.
And get outside too as much as you can!
In line with this and what will help you reduce so much stuff and create more free time is cultivating a spirit of contentment. Especially as a new mom, you may feel like you need all the things. But less stuff can make us so much more free.
Create Daily Rituals
Morning routines, evening routines, midday. Any time of day can turn into special rituals that you do together with your children. A ritual can be as simple as asking your child about their day what made them feel happy and what made them feel sad. It could be watching the sunset together on the back porch. It could be eating lunch outside when you are all home together.
Something our two-year-old loves is recapping her day for Daddy at the dinner table. Simple but it bonds us together and makes her remember the good things about the day.
Look for simple ways to create a ritual that you can all enjoy and be present for around everyday occurrences. You can also create rituals for yourself to add in some break times throughout the day. Having dinner together every day can be a ritual. Check out this post on Easy Family Dinner ideas. If you scroll to the bottom of that post I talk about how important eating together is.
You can have weekly rituals too like a crafting or gardening day. A family movie night. A weekly ice cream date.
Establish a Workable Routine
Besides daily rituals, a consistent routine is also so important. It’s important for us as moms but it’s also important for our children, especially young children. Of course, unexpected things come up in our days but predictability gives us more freedom.
Think about small things that you can add to your daily routine that will make a difference like throwing a load of laundry in the washer on a daily basis. Doing things that help you keep up the house saves time because you don’t have to do those bigger cleans that take hours. You are doing it little by little. A simple daily cleaning routine helps our home so much.
Morning, afternoon, and evening routines that are consistent and regular meal times. This has made it easier for me to get done what I need to for our family. This consistency can help the whole family sleep more peacefully too!
What has worked well in our household is a flexible block schedule. You can learn more about that here Flexible Block Scheduling Tips for Busy Moms. I love using Sunday evenings for family time but also to review what is coming in the week ahead and set up my week for success.
Implement Daily Quiet Time
While we’re on creating a daily routine something you can add is a daily quiet time. Children need breaks in their day for peace and quiet just like we do. For younger children, this could be their nap time. For older children, you can have them read or listen to an audiobook in their room. You can use this time to refresh and restore by reading or working on a project you find fun like maybe finally creating your capsule wardrobe.
Doing nothing often leads to the very best of something.
Winne Pooh
Quiet time provides the chance to disengage, to recoup — a mental break. This is a healthy habit no matter your age. It is a lifestyle choice.
Dr. Ashley Soderlund
Dr. Ashley has some great advice on starting quiet time with kids on the Nurture and Thrive blog here.
Let Children Embrace Boredom
When things are quiet and there is no hustle and bustle how do you feel? Do you feel bored? We’re so trained in our modern world to be “on” all the time. To be entertained all the time. But if we want to simplify motherhood we need to learn how to accept quietness and embrace simple things.
Here’s a shocker- boredom is good for children. It teaches them to be creative, to come up with things to do on their own and this is so very good for them.
We will simplify motherhood when we let go of the need to feel like we have to entertain our children and have them in all of these extracurricular activities. We will simplify when we realize letting them participate in our everyday tasks is meaningful to them. Especially young children don’t know the difference between helping around the house and playing. It’s all play and learning to them.
Maybe you’ve seen the quote, “Involving your children will slow you down. Maybe that’s the point.”
Involving our children in daily activities does make things take more time but we need to slow down. We need to learn to be present and calm. Our daughter loves to get in her learning tower and bake with me. I could do it faster and with less cleanup by myself but that’s not the point. We are enjoying time together. She is learning how to measure and pour and help the family.
Recreate Your Favorite Childhood Memories
If you have some childhood memories that really stand out in making you feel good try to recreate those with your children. It can be really simple things. We live in a different world so not everything works but try the best you can.
I took our daughter into the fish store one day when she was a baby to look at the fish because that is something I remember doing with my Dad that was a fun quick outing. I like to take our daughter on other outings that I remember doing with my mom like going to thrift stores and when we can take my mom with us it’s even better so include the grandparents when you can!
If you don’t have good memories or nothing stands out think about the things you would have liked and create those moments with your children.
You can also read them your favorite book from when you were a child or if you do have family movie nights show them your favorite childhood movie. Relive those moments.
Let Go Of Unrealistic Expectations
It’s so easy for us to get frustrated with our children for doing age-appropriate things and having age-appropriate actions. I’m a former early childhood educator and I still find it triggering and hard to deal with sometimes.
We need to cultivate compassion for ourselves and our children. We sometimes expect children to handle things better than we do as adults. I get a bit grumpy when I’m hungry too and what if I was also tired and wet?
We love our children but are we able to act compassionately towards them? That can be very difficult in those hard moments especially if you grew up in a critical environment. We cannot be regulators for our children when we are dysregulated. Respect is a two-way street and treating our children with respect is a great way to teach them to respect us.
Did you feel seen and heard at home? Valued? This is not about blaming our whole lives on our parents. Most parents did the best they could for who they were and what they knew. This is about deciding how your home will run and how your children will feel. We need to decide that with much prayer.
And let’s not confuse compassion with a lack of discipline. We can discipline with love.
Simplify Through Saying No
We can let go of unrealistic expectations with our children’s reactions and behaviors but we also need to let go of unrealistic commitments. Sometimes we have to say no to say yes. No to so many extracurricular activities in order to say yes to time and freedom to allow our children to explore and play outside and just be.
For us as moms to have time for practical self-care. Downtime needs to be a priority on a regular basis too. We can say no to the things that don’t align with our priorities so we can say yes to other good things and better family life.
We need to keep our word when we make commitments to people that’s why we need to be super careful what we say yes to from the start. We need to make no our default if something is not a clear yes and think about the other things we will need to give up if we do say yes. There are trade-offs for everything.
That does not mean never committing or helping others. We just need to remember our family as the priority. We can learn to limit extracurricular activities and to set healthy boundaries of our time and schedules.
Share Responsibilities and Delegate
We can manage our time but time is a limited resource and often we feel overwhelmed because we’re not asking for help. If we can include our family in some of the daily procedures, like after-dinner cleanup, for example, we can work faster. More hands make lighter work.
Help with meal planning can cut out a lot of time too and take some of the cooking burden off of mom. And keep meals simple. Simple real foods are healthier for us and keep us from feeling like we need to make elaborate meals. Here are some low-cook and even no-cook family dinner ideas.
If we have a spouse who can take over some of the responsibilities, even if it’s for 30 minutes in that hard evening time, it can help us take a breath and wrap up things we need to.
A word about delegation. If you’re the one still having to remember to remind it’s managing and not delegating and the mental load is still there. If you have a partner who does not have their systems in place to remember their commitments and responsibilities this is hard. Then you still end up being the one to have to remember and still have the burden on you. This may be one of those hard conversations we have to have to come up with solutions.
Foster Connection Through Presence
This may just be the most important. I have found that when I give our daughter my full attention for periods throughout the day she is more willing to play independently when I do need to get things done. Of course, we have those days where she is feeling clingy to momma and that’s ok. But for the most part, she is good at independent play.
Being present to foster connection with our children sounds nice but it can be very hard in practice. We live in a very distracted world and we have so much to do and so many things on our minds. That’s one reason I love the block schedule I mentioned it helps me focus on the block at hand and no more.
Quality time with our children is something we can never get back if we miss out on it. Quality time with family and our spouse is so important too. Making a regular date night a priority is something that I need to work on in our house.
Number one for being present with my little one- putting the phone down or computer or tablet. I love to take pictures of our daughter so I like to have the phone with me when I am with her but I have found that once I take that phone out and snap a photo she is distracted by it. She also loses interest in the activity we are doing as she feels like I’m not paying attention. It’s something I’m having to learn to let go of and leave the phone in another room.
I know in order to be a good mom I’ve got to be a present-focused mom. Cutting back on screen time for everyone is a great way to simplify motherhood. Screens overstimulate our children and often make their behavior worse. When you are a working mom and let’s be real we’re all working moms, a household is a lot of work, and it’s hard not to put them in front of screens. But it’s something we can at least work on cutting back on.
We can foster connection by doing those daily rituals together and by respecting our children and truly listening. Things that are not a big deal to us are to them. Think about how you felt when you were little and just wanted someone to care about what you cared about.
Remember…
There is beauty in less and simplicity. Things will never be perfect on this side of eternity but God makes all things beautiful in His time. The best advice I can give you above all the things mentioned here is to pray for knowledge and wisdom. Our creator knows how we can manage our homes the best. Pray and ask how you can reduce stress levels and what small things you can do to make a huge difference.
We can work to create beauty all around us by simplifying so we can say yes to the things that matter to us. Let’s not wish away the days and moments. You know what I mean, I’ll be happy when I’m not breastfeeding anymore. I’ll be happy when my toddler is done teething. When I meet this goal. When I have a new home etc. If we simplify and learn to gather joy from the little present moments we will feel so much more content even amid real life.
Gratitude is an easy way to simplify motherhood. You’ve got this Momma. I believe in you!
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