There are wonderful qualities introverts have that can make us great mothers. Motherhood can also be uber overstimulating especially if you are in a season of motherhood with little ones.
It’s hard to have moments to yourself to just think and breathe and be. There is extra clutter, extra noise, extra company, extra social events, and extra things to do as a parent which leads to extra overwhelm and overstimulation as introverted moms.
The taking forever to do anything, the constant chatter and conversations with the kids, it feels like enough to drive an introverted mom to insanity pretty quickly.
Children are amazing and teach us so much and I wouldn’t trade motherhood for the world. But with a super busy two year old I’ve had to learn how to cope as an introverted mom. I can focus on my strengths like my sensitivity, my love for a peaceful calm home life, and my listening skills which all benefit our daughter.
In this post, I will be offering tips on how to deal with being an introvert even as a busy mom with some inspiration along the way. Scattered throughout will be quotes by Susan Cain who wrote a great book for introverts called Quiet: The Power Of Introverts in A World That Can’t Stop Talking. If you struggle with feeling less than I recommend reading that book on your introvert powers. It helped me when I read it years ago. At a young age, I got told things like “Why are you so quiet” or “You need to come out of your shell more.”
This post is about mothering your way, the introverted way. Whatever that looks like for you. Nurturing your children and your family while still honoring your introverted nature. That is a great way to go. You’ve got this momma!
Grab your favorite comforting beverage, I’ve got a chilled matcha latte, and let’s dive in. This is good news. You can be you and that’s a good thing.
1. Make Self-Care A Priority
I know it’s hard momma. You’re busy taking care of your family and probably wearing what feels like hundreds of hats but self-care is crucial. Even more so for us introverts. If we don’t have quiet time to breathe and think we will soon become uninspired, overwhelmed, and likely angry and resentful.
To be the moms we want to be we have to make time for self-care somehow. The key is to do the things you truly like to do that restore you. Self-care can be practical and easy. It doesn’t have to be elaborate trips and spa days. Things that are energizing to extroverts are often draining for introverts. You just have to replenish your energy reserves in the way that works for you.
Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured…Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to.
Susan Cain
We have another post with tips on this so be sure to read that one when you finish this one. Practical Self-Care for Busy Moms
2. Help Your Children Succeed Without You
I know it feels painful to think about especially when our children are small but our job is to train them to be successful without needing our help and input for everything. Of course, we need to help them when needed and make tasks developmentally appropriate but there are so many things that our children can do on their own if we allow them to.
Set your children up for more independence- even toddlers can learn to do so many things for themselves and it’s good for them and you. Put clothes they can wear down low so they can choose. Let them help in the kitchen. Keep snacks they have access to and their water bottles where they can reach them. Give them supplies to help clean up spills and messes.
Make their toys easy to clean up by having bins and rotating toys so there are fewer things to deal with at a time and teach them to pick them up. The less you have to help with and the fewer decisions you have to make the better it can be for them and you. They are learning life skills. You are releasing some of those “extras” that parenting entails.
Also check out: How To Organize and Declutter Kid’s Toys Without Hassel
Take Note: Play with your children yes. Give them focused attention every day but also know that your job is not to constantly entertain your children. It’s not good for them. They need their own things and independent playtime. Your job is to teach them and include them in everyday life. If this is new to you think about it and I hope you will take it to heart. It can be a life-changing thought transition.
3. Set Appropriate Boundaries
I have the book Boundaries by Drs Cloud and Townsend on my to-read-again list because they are so important. I think particularly as nurturing women we can find it so hard to set boundaries with our family and friends but this can be a key component of keeping our peace.
We need to learn to communicate our needs so others can help us meet them. That can mean something simple like telling your spouse you need 15 minutes to pull yourself back together when you’re about to lose it. It could mean asking your spouse to not allow the children to knock on the door every 2 minutes while you have a shower alone. As introverts, it is especially important that we protect our limited energy.
We can set boundaries with our children, yes even our toddlers, by telling them how to or not to talk to us. I liked the example from the book How To Talk So Little Kids Listen “I don’t like being yelled at! That doesn’t make me feel helpful. I like to hear, ‘Mom, can I have some juice, please?”
When we set healthy boundaries we teach our children a good lesson and give them permission to do the same.
4. Do Quiet Activities Together
Even extroverted children need some quiet time. Something that can help a lot as an introverted mom is to make sure busier, noisier activities throughout the day are anchored with quieter ones.
Do activities that help you connect with your children and also feel calm and nurturing to you as an introvert. Doing puzzles together, taking a nature walk, doing art projects, and reading books. Having a balance of these activities helps children feel calmer and centered too. You can also talk about your goals and dreams and practice some of that introspection with your family that introverts are so good at.
When you’re at a party or crowded place do you ever search out that one cozy corner to escape to? You can create a special place in your home for quiet activities that you can do together or that is inviting when you or any family member needs a moment. When I was an early childhood educator I had a reading corner with bean bags in the classroom. Sometimes children get overwhelmed too and could just go over there to rest and look at books and get away from the crowd.
5. Plan Low-Key Low-Stress Outings
Our daughter loves to go out and about and it’s good for her and me too. We need the fresh air and stimulation sometimes even if I’d rather stay home and curl up with a book. How much time do we busy moms have to curl up with a book anyway, am I right!
When an outing is called for we can plan experiences that feel refreshing for us as introverts rather than stressful.
Taking a nature walk or visiting a quiet museum or art gallery can be good options. You can also try more popular activities like the zoo or an aquarium but during quiet hours and days when there are fewer people.
Picnics are also fun and can be easily thrown together.
Play dates can be good for our children but may sound like a nightmare to us as introverts. However, we can make them work by sticking with a small group of moms so the conversations feel more intimate and doing things with the group outdoors or activities that feel more relaxing and less threatening to us especially if we’re having to meet new people.
6. Build Your Support Community
Yes, community is important even to introverts. We especially need close friends. A misunderstanding about introverts is that we are anti-social and of course, we’re not. It does not mean we are necessarily shy either. We often love people we just get drained by too many of the wrong social interactions and need time apart. We prefer small talk at the end of deep conversations, not the beginning.
Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.
Susan Cain
By connecting with other introverted moms, participating in online mom groups, and having those small play groups we can build community on our terms in a way that feels nourishing. We can also make the effort, hard for us, but we can stay connected throughout the week with a smaller group of friends and family and reach out to others. We also must learn to ask for help when we need it.
Building support also entails learning to communicate openly with our partners about what we need. They can help us find a balance between nourishing our families and getting that individual time we so desperately crave.
Find the payoff for everyone and learn how to communicate that.
7. Know Your Strengths
I touched on this a little already but introverts have so many strengths that this world often looks past that can make us great parents. When you are feeling drained of comparing yourself with someone else remember the “power of your quiet”.
Recognize and celebrate your ability to create deeper, more meaningful connections, to foster that calm atmosphere in your home and wherever you go, your ability to listen and be. You are an asset to your family. Use your powers of reflection and thoughtfulness for good by focusing on the positive things and don’t let the negative thoughts run off unchecked.
8. Pray And Journal
Prayer journaling is so a wonderful way for introverts to let things out, to think, and be. It can draw you closer to your Creator who made you the wonderful, amazing mom that you are. If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed pray. Grab a journal and write. Take some deep breaths and know that God gave you this family and this job and He will give you the strength to do it. You have a deep inner life. Use those valuable assets you have like your quiet and your mind to develop who you are at your own pace. Take any negative feelings to the Lord in prayer.
Remember we are teaching our children how to honor themselves and their personality traits by how we honor ours. If we thrive we can teach them to thrive by the environment we create.
We often marvel at how introverted, geeky, kid ‘blossom’ into secure and happy adults. We liken it to a metamorphosis. However, maybe it’s not the children who change but their environments. As adults they get to select the careers, spouses, and social circles that suit them. They don’t have to live in whatever culture they’er plunked into.
Susan Cain
9. Give Yourself and Others Grace
This blog is not called Grace Filled Mom for nothing. This is the most important tip. It’s what we’re all about. Know that is ok to take moments out of the business of life. If you are overwhelmed and exhausted take a break. I know it feels like it will sometime but I promise you the world will not end for it. The laundry and dishes and anything else will still be there when you get back unless miraculously someone helps with them which is even better. You must stay healthy physically and mentally to take care of your family.
Recharge as needed.
It’s good to get out of our comfort zone sometimes and try new things and learn new things. But if we spend a lot of time trying to be someone else we will miss the special way God created us to be and our mental health will suffer greatly.
As a former preschool teacher, I used to look around and see all these loud and flamboyant extraverted teachers and think maybe they were more fun than I was. But I realized that my classroom offered a calm safe space where children felt open to talk and be. They often got the calm they needed that maybe they didn’t get at home.
I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to compare yourself to other moms or extroverted friends and think you need to be like them and parent like them because you don’t. It’s ok if you don’t do all the events and activities. You have your own unique strengths. Develop those deep connections, spend enough time alone, and create the quiet environments you need. If you are feeling the need for a quiet night at home ask for help so you can have one. Especially if you do have social situations coming up. Find your quiet corner and do your thing. You will have a better chance of coping well if you fill yourself with the quality time you need and crave first. Get enough alone time so you can nourish yourself in your own ways and then fill others.
Be the confident introvert that others go to when they need a good listener when they want to feel peace. There are lots of people that will need and honor those qualities. Learn to honor yourself and you will also honor others.
So the next time you see a person with a compose face and a soft voice, remember that inside her mind she might be solving an equation, composing a sonnet, designing a hat. She might, that is, be deploying the powers of quiet.
Susan Cain
What’s your favorite quiet place? Do you have a quiet environment that you created for your children? I would love to know. You’ve got this momma!
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